Bikers and Cyclists....

Sorry I have been a little absent the past few weeks since my last post. Life has gotten in the way again (hate it when that happens). Work has been a little crazy, my life as a Project Manager for a video game company is a very hectic one and that has been very true as of late. Its a good thing in a way I guess. It keeps my mind occupied, or distracted, which ever way you feel like putting it.

I haven't riden very much due to it getting dark earlier, but I am totally loving the fall weather. Fall / Winter are really my favorite time of year for two reasons - I am a cold weather freak in a way, my wife hates it, but I LOVE cold weather, no, I REALLY love cold weather. I also love snow, not that we ever really get anything too great here in central NC, but when we do, I am like a little kid at Christmas.

Tour de Femme

This past weekend was a Breast Cancer ride here in Cary called, none other than, the Tour de Femme. I just recenetly learned about this ride and its a great event. This is a ride to help raise funds for Rex Hospital and the LiveSTRONG foundation. Its put on by a local club "Grab my Wheel" which I think is an awesome name! Aaaand its an all womens ride, so obviously, I couldn't ride, BUT I could volunteer and that was as rewarding as being able to ride (if I could). I worked rest stop #2 which was a local stop that cyclists in the area frequent, this was also one of the stops for the 60 mile route so we saw a lot of action when the ladies came rolling through. It was really cool to see all the women riding, I haven't confirmed it yet, but their were around 300 riders total for the tour and from what I have heard, everything went off without a hitch! It was a lot of fun to get to chat with some of the riders at the stop, some great inspirations and some pretty moving stories. It was a fantastic event.

Bikers and Cyclists...
One of the best parts to me was the awesome group of bikers - no, not cyclists - bikers that came to help out. These dudes were awesome - besides the fact that they could pretty much crush anyone they want - these were some of the nicest guys I have ever met. They were a local club and there were about a dozen of them came to help sweep the route and watch out of the riders. Pretty freakin' sweet deal if you ask me - huge bikers on Harley's watching your back on the ride - EPIC!

Tell me, would you mess with cyclists if these guys were helping them out? I think not! Again, these guys were super nice and really cared about what they were doing.

There were some pretty sweet Harley's that some of these guys had - I kept wanting to call this guy "Bear"...

Update on mom....
Ding, ding, ding, ROUND TWO! Cancer really is a fight, every day is different and brings its own share of good and bad. The 5th was round two of chemo for mom. Or "Chemopaloza" as she calls it. I have yet to go to one of these, part of me is ashamed that I haven't and part of me is kind of glad. I don't know how I will react when I finally do go. But I have to remind myself, its not about me, its about mom!

I was able to see my mom and dad on Friday afternoon, I needed to pick up a camera from them for the Tour de Femme. This was 4 days after round two. Mom is still working a few days a week. The company she works for is great, they are very supportive and I think that is a sense of normal for her. This was also the first time I have seen my mom since she "got her hair done". Yup, the chemo started to do its thing on her hair so my mom made the call to go ahead and be proactive and shave her head. She took her new wig with her and let me tell you, my mom looked fantastic. If I wouldn't have known it was a wig, I never would have known other that the style was different from what she normaly wears. But I could tell even though she was wearing a big smile, she was worn out, VERY worn out. I am glad that she is able to keep working as I know that probably helps her a lot, but at the same time, I worry that she will tire more quickly and I want her to be as strong as she can be. Hopefully she will keep up the track record so far of feeling fairly well.

The week ahead...
Its looking like another busy week ahead for me, my wife and I are planning on spending the day with my parents next weekend and helping around the house and just hanging out. I am pretty excited about it and will be glad to have that time with them.  I am also planning on hammering out my new workout routine and really get after it this week.

Thats all I've got for now, well not really, but I am tired...

P.S. - Cancer - I HATE YOU!

The day I was born...

...was this day (september 28) 32 years ago! (holy crap, 32 years...jeez) Not that its going to make any history books, although it would be totally cool if I did! Who knows...


Good Food, Friends, Wolfpack Football, Beer and time with Mom!
This past weekend has been completely amazing! I have said it before (probably wearing it out) but I have amazing friends! My wife and I hosted a small gathering at our house for the NCSU football game and a "family" dinner for my b'day. One of my close friends Eli (who is an amazing cook...seriously) cooked an unreal dinner for all of us. We had some of my favorite beer - Oktober fest from Carolina Brewing Company right here in Holly Springs, NC and watched the game, which NCSU won! Awesome! We had a bunch of folks over and all had a great time. But, best of all is that my mom and dad got to come to the party. This was the best gift I could have asked for. It had been about two weeks since I had physically seen my mom, just due to being sick we didn't want to run the risk of an infection as she has started chemo now. I think it did my mom a lot of good to come to the party, not because we have awesome parties, but just being able to feel normal was a good thing. She also got to see some of my closest friends who I have known since college and their babies. Which is actually pretty funny seeing that my group of friends has experienced a baby boom over the past year. We went from none to over 6 little ones running around now. So it was great to see her be able to share this day with my dad and it...yup, I was born on my dad's birthday!

I think the other thing I really liked about Saturday was to give my mom a few gifts. One was a book that a good friend of ours who works at Duke Comprehensive Cancer Center gave us called "Finding the "Can" in Cancer" along with a pink iPod Nano which my wife and I got my mom for when she has to endure the upcoming chemo sessions. We got the iPod engraved on the back which reads "We love you Mom, WIN!"
It made me feel really great to know that those two things as small as they are really made a difference for her. She was so happy, and so was I! Next chemo session will be on the 5th of October.

2nd annual birthday ride with Team CBC...
Sunday was a great day too - I skipped out on church to celebrate my bday with my cycling team, Team CBC. It started out pretty rainy on Sunday, but, by the time the group I was with (decided on the shorter route, cause I could) the rain had stopped and the sun was starting to peak out. Turned out to be an amazing day. There were only four of us in the 26 mile route group, but ended up being myself and a another rider whos name was Snow, which I thought was an awesome name. She was fun to ride with and we shared some great stories! When the team all arrived back from the different routes to the brewerey, yes - we ride from and to the brewery in Holly Springs, we had the normal libations and some pizza. I love being on my team and really love the friends I have and continue to make riding. Its such a stress relief for me to ride.

LiveSTRONG Day 2009
This Friday (October 2nd) is LiveSTRONG day. This is a chance to join together with the global push to fight and erase cancer. I am starting to learn how to get more invovled with organizations like the LAF and LiveSTRONG, Susan G. Komen, Save the tata's, among others to help fight cancer. I created an event for this friday that everyone can take part in. It's easy and best of all is its FREE! All you have to do is wear yellow to show your support for all those who are fighting or have fought this terrible disease. Head over to my page and sign up to show your going to participate then break out that yellow and help us FIGHT! Doesn't get much easier than that! Even better if you can help spread the word too!


P.S. Cancer - I HATE YOU!

the road starts to get a little rough...

Stress
Stress is nothing new in my life. I have always lead a very busy life and with that comes stress. My body has a way of telling me that I have reached a "boiling point" of sorts when my left eye begins to twitch. Well, the past few weeks, have understandably been worthy of that "boiling point". My eye is pretty much non stop twitching. It looks like I am winking at everyone, which is pretty funny to me.

Its been a mixing pot of different stress too; work, personal life, and yes, cancer. Work is a given, I have a pretty high stress job, people often laugh seeing that I work at a video game company. However, its true, the games industry is actually very high stress, at the same time a VERY fun industry too, so I deal. I love my job and find it to be the best I have had yet.

Over the past few years I have learned to focus that stress into a drive I use to set goals to overcome that stress. I am currently using some of that to drive me in my fitness goals. Training for triathlons requires a great deal of focus and I have plenty to fuel that. (More on my triathlon aspirations later)

Hate...
Cancer, well cancer is a very unwelcome stress. I HATE CANCER! As my mom begins chemo I learn to hate cancer more everyday. Hate is a very strong word and not one that I use often, even in joking around, but I HATE cancer. I am taking that "stress" from cancer and what it is doing to my mom and family and putting it to good use. I am using it to fuel my deep desire to see my mom beat cancer. I am using it to FIGHT! I have trained martial arts for many years and have learned all about the human response to a threat (fight or flight). My training has also taught me to focus myself and approach even the most intense situations calmly but be very direct and aggressive when the time comes to respond if needed. There is no doubt in my mind that the very best way to deal with this new stress is to bring the fight, bring everything I have, to FIGHT! So, thats what I will do. Thats what we will do, FIGHT! But sometimes its not that easy.

Its OK to cry...but I can't...
There have been four times I have cried about this over the past few weeks. One was the day my parents told us, the second was on the drive home from my parents house, the third was telling a good friend about my mom, and the fourth was reading the blog post Elden made and the response that came from that. But not since. That freaks me out. I don't know why I can't cry. I don't know why I feel I should cry. Mostly I find my self in this state of shock most of the time. When I talk to my mom I find myself very focused on her, what she is saying, how she is feeling. I find myself in problem solving mode, how do I fix this for her, what does she need, etc...

So at times I find myself asking...whats wrong with me? Is there anything wrong with me? Is this normal? Its sort of strange. I often don't know how to feel, like I said I am mostly numb.

Update on mom.
I love my mom. She is a VERY strong woman. A few years ago when my Grandma was sick, she gave all of her time to fly to Illinois to be with her and help the family. When my Grandma passed, she stayed to help get everything in order and care for my Grandpa. A few years later, the same thing when my Grandpa was sick and eventually passed. My mom has given of herself so much over the past few years, its just that much harder to watch her go thorugh this now. My entire family made great sacrifices over the past several years for sure and now we will face this like we have all the other things, we will stand strong and pull together to fight.

Chemo has started with one round down. There will be five more rounds to come. I talked to my mom on Sunday. The chemo has started to set in. She has been sleeping and tired. The uneasy stomach comes and goes. But we have started down that path. Its hard for me to understand, but I have to remind myself this is the best way to fight medically. But at the same time, I don't want to see what is coming. For now, she is still working some, but I have a feeling she will be taking some extended time off soon. I don't expect the next several months to be easy and I don't think she does either.

My dad is holding strong, I know he doesn't like this anymore than I do. I am glad he is there to help and be by her side. My dad is one of my heroes. A strong Marine and a loving husband and father. She couldn't be in better company. I worry about him too though, but I will be there for him when he needs it.

So for now thats where I am, and thats where we are. Thanks for reading!

P.S. Cancer - I HATE YOU!

Fatty...

I think one of the most amazing things I am learning as I fight for and alongside my mom in our battle against cancer is the family of survivors and loved ones who have or are fighting this disease.

A few weeks ago, the day my parents broke the news to us that my mom has breast cancer I was completely floored. I had no idea how to even respond, all I could do was sit there with tears streaming down my face and just try to remember to breathe. On the way home later that day with my wife, I could only think of Elden (fatcyclist.com). I had been following his blog for the past year and knew that if anyone understood what was going on, maybe, just maybe he could help. So, when we got home I sat down a wrote Elden an email. I don't know why I felt like I should write him, but I did. Elden actually wrote me back 30 min after I just laid it all out to a total stranger. The total compassion and understanding that was there was such a relief to me. I knew then what a family those who fight cancer are and the bond that is instantly formed when one faces cancer.

I asked Elden for any help of advice he could give, and he did. He sent me a list of things that were helpful to him and his wife Susan as they fought thorugh chemo. I was speaking via email with Elden again today in reply to and update email about my mom's first day of chemo and he asked if I was OK with him sharing that list on his blog. Of course I said yes as I know the help this was to my mom, it could help others. So head over to Fatcyclist.com and check it out, and make sure you read the comments. My hope in all of this is to of course one, see my mom beat cancer and two, to be an advocate for her and others facing this disease. I am dedicating myself to this fight and will be doing all I can to fight. There are some amazing resources out there. Lance and Elden are two of my heroes and great inspirations to me in this fight. I am thankful to have the friends and family around me to help with this fight. I am thankful to Lance Armstrong and the LAF, and I am thankful for Elden and all he has and is doing. WIN!

P.S. - Cancer - I HATE YOU!

www.liveSTRONG.org
www.Fatcylist.com

150 miles and chemo day one...

This is a long one so hang with me...

150 miles...

This past weekend was the MS150 in New Bern, NC. For those of you who don't know, this is a charity cycling event for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. This is a very well done event for a great cause. I love fighting for them too! I have had a lot of folks ask me what the 150 means, and I love their reaction when I tell them its the distance of the ride. Of course, that is not accomplished in one day, this is a two day event in the great town of New Bern, NC. I rode with my team, Team CBC (Carolina Brewing Company). I love these guys (and gals). We have a fantastic team of some of the best people I have ever known. Because of them and the Slow Spokes (another local riding group for beginners) I learned all about group riding and made some great friends who I train with regularly.

No pain, no gain...or something like that

Last year was my first year in the MS was September 2008. I was really new to cycling, having only really been on the road since May of '08. The MS is in September. I didn't know all the finer points of training and nutrition other than a few articles and some tips I picked up along the way. Lets just say, lesson learned. I bonked hard on the first day (tried to tackle 75 miles) and was in really bad shape after the ride (sick to my stomach and really dehydrated). The next day I was barely able to finish the 30. It was really one of the worst feelings physically I have ever felt, that and it was about 98* both days and I was totally unprepared made it even worse. This year things are different. I have really fallen in love with cycling, yes, that is possible. I have a fantastic nutritionist who is helping me with my eating and sports specific fueling, and an amazing trainer who is helping me in my aspirations of becoming a triathlete (more later). I haven't been able to ride that much this year due to work but I have been getting some good rides in. Going into this event I felt at least mentally and nutritionally prepared. Cathy (my nutritionist) worked out a fueling plan which I followed to the "t" and man did that pay off. The first day we rocked the 75 and after a great massage post ride, I was ready to knock out the 75 the second day. I did second guess my desire to ride 75 the second day but some of my team really encouraged me to ride with them and so I did. I am glad I did. This turned out to be one of the best rides ever for me. I finished strong and had a blast with my amazing team. On Sunday I didn't wear my Team CBC jersey (which is awesome) I wore my '09 Team Fatty jersey made by twinsix (I freakin' love these guys) in honor of my mom! And I got a ton of compliments and questions (definitely not because of my ability to make it look good, I am still filling out the midsection pretty good) about that jersey especially since it was a MS ride. I love being able to tell Elden and Susan's story and turn more people on to the fight against cancer, both are great causes worth fighting for. I also rocked my new Giro liveSTRONG helmet and my new yellow RoadID. As great of a ride as it was, I am completely worn out. I struggled through work today, and even now at home, I am tired beyond being able to sleep! I am loving my new Fuji Team Pro Carbon, I really love that bike. I can't wait till next year when I will hopefully be able to ride my project bike (Cervelo P3 SL) which I am building up as my tri bike, just a frame right now. I think it would be sweet to get that frame painted black and yellow instead of red and white now - would make a sick liveSTRONG bike!

Ok, enough about me.

Update on mom...

My mom (Kathy) is doing good. I had a lot of great friends come to me this weekend and offer their support and express their encouragement to me and for her. I can't say how much that meant to me, I truly have some amazing friends!

So last week, her doctors scheduled a biopsy on an area on the left side that they found in the last MRI, just to rule it out. It came back negative but with a 20% chance of becoming cancer and they were thinking about doing a surgical biopsy to get a better sample. This would surely push back the start of chemo which my mom didn't want to do. I can't imagine facing chemo and all that it brings, and then looking at possibly delaying that. I guess its all in the way you look at it, delay what will hopefully help you, but will undoubtedly be a grueling process, or just get it over with. I don't know which way I would go honestly. I do know that mom didn't want to delay it any longer. The doctors agreed that delaying the start of chemo wasn't the way to go, so the decision was made to schedule the first round. On Tuesday she attended the chemo orientation class at Duke. I really wanted to be there with her but I was getting over a pretty nasty cold and I wouldn't have been able to come into the area due to being sick, it could cause major issues for those already going through chemo and their already weakened immune system, so I didn't go, but my Dad who has been right by my mom's side was there. My mom called to tell me about the class and I could tell that it was good for her as the relief in her voice was evident and she felt more empowered from learning more. Friday while I was in New Bern at the team party before the ride, my mom called, so I stepped away for a while to spend some time on the call. She told me more about the chemo orientation class and I was able to tell her about all the support that my friends are offering. We also talked about wigs which are very important to her. I was glad to hear she found one she liked which is important. It was great to hear her laugh and just be mom for a while. I like it when things are normal, though I see the storm clouds coming.

Chemo day one...

Today was the first day of chemo. Dad went with her as there can only be one person in with her at while she is receiving the treatments. We will all make time to go with mom to these treatments. I want to make sure that my dad is taken care of in this time too, and he doesn't get too worn out in the process so he can be strong for her. Overall today went well.

I am sort of taken back at how quickly this time has come. It was only two weeks ago that mom and dad sat us down and told us the news and here we are. I still struggle with this new reality and still find myself in a whirlwind of emotions. The one constant in all of this is a deep desire to fight. I aslo find myself feeling guilty, guilty that I can't do anything for her and my deep desire to fight just isn't good enough. Now I know that this isn't true and just the fact that I am there to support her is a great help, but I can't deny that I run the emotional and mental gambit on this. But, non the less, for my mom I will FIGHT! I will fight with everything I have for her no matter what that might bring.

So here we go, we are on the road to fighting this. As mom said today "1 Chemopalooza down 5 to go!" Love that attitude! The goal is in sight...Dec. 28, 2009 is the last day of chemo, though the fight will be far from over! You hear that CANCER? You are going down... Thanks to everyone for their support, thoughts, and prayers through this time. Thank you to all of those who are coming around us and helping us fight. The one thing I am learning is that because cancer effects everyone around it, the family that has taken up position on the front lines is unbelievable. So I encourage you all to fight with us. I saw a great line on the LiveSTRONG site that said "Go ahead, pick a fight" I LOVE IT!

P.S. Cancer - I HATE YOU!

sorry went a little link happy there! check 'em out though, good stuff!

Duke is amazing

No, sorry, not the basketball team - besides, I am a diehard NCSU fan!

My mom, Kathy, is fortunate enough to be getting all of her care during this time at Duke Comprehensive Cancer Center (from now on just Duke). Truly top notch people at Duke.

Monday (8.31.09) We went with my mom for an MRI. This was a HUGE day. To this point they only knew that the cancer was fairly large (4cm) and there was a tumor next to a lymph node - not good. They wanted to see the whole picture and if the cancer had been able to spread at all. This weighed the heviest on all of us, the unknown if it had spread and what that would mean. I played a hundred scenarios in my head of all the "what ifs". Not a cool place to be in your head. I can't even imagine what she was thinking. So we were all there on Monday at Duke. The Dr. came in and we jumped right in (I like that). It was good news. At this time there is no eveidence of any cancer anywhere else in her body. The bone scans and CT scans came back negative - amazing! There was one "tiny" spot on the left side that was caught by the MRI so they set up a biopsy just to be sure. Other than that, all things considered, good report. One of her many doc's Dr. Wilke took us through the scans and talked to us about all of our questions. Dr. Wilke also told us the plan and what would be coming next. Chemo - six round for starters. So now we are preparing to fight, and thats the best thing of all. We CAN fight this. We WILL fight this. Her doctors are amazing and the passion for people and the patients and familes that flow out of the staff at Duke was/is priceless. I have all the confidence that we are in the very best hands there and they will do everything they can for my mom.

We will be results from the latest biopsy next week and mom has Chemo Orientation class on tuesday, I am going to try and make it with her and my dad.

I have had a lot of people offer support and advice. I welcome it all, we welcome it all. So if you have been through this, or are going through this, let me know about it.

I can't thank Elden (fatcyclist.com) reaching out to me and offering advice and help as we face this time. It continues to show what a great guy he is. Especially since it was just a few short weeks ago his wife Susan passed away in her fight against cancer. FIGHT LIKE SUSAN!

to the front lines...

So, many of my closest friends and some very new ones have encouraged me to start this blog. After giving it some thought, I figured that I could use the outlet and maybe, just maybe make a difference in the lives of those closest to me and hopefully the scores of those who I don't know.

I have called this blog "Dave Wide Open" because that is what its going to be, within reason. I plan on being wide open about what is going on in the middle of a raging battle, and once in a while with life in general as I see fit. There is a battle I have always watched from the sidelines. A battle in which a few days ago, was hurled to the front lines in. What battle is this? CANCER.

On August 29, 2009 my mother told me she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. A day I will never forget. Actually, to be honest, I am still in somewhat of a state of shock. I think the scene at my parents house when they sat myself, my wife, and my sister down; will forever be burned into my brain. I have only seen my dad get "choked up" twice in my life, so when he could not finish his sentence I knew it was not good whatever it was they were going to tell us. There have been a lot of emotions going on with all of us lately and its been a roller coaster to say the least.

Let me put this out there too, this blog is going to be about my experiences as a son who's mother has cancer. I will blog about how she is, whats going on with her, our family, and me. I will also blog about my life in general. Not that I am an overly interesting guy or have an awesome life - just because to me that will help.

I want to share this because I know from a former observer of this fight to becoming a front line soldier, what being open about cancer can do and how important community is. I have read countless stories of survivors and fighters of this disease and the impact of having that community around them. I have witnessed how the impact of cancer can bring total strangers into friendships and alliances to beat this disease. I have seen the strength that is gained from those connections and the boost of confidence in such a hard time.

My goal is that through this, more people get a real look at what life is like through my eyes as I fight along side my mom, how I fight for her and all the others that are fighting against cancer every day. Not that I know what I am doing by any stretch or that I have the right answers, but I believe that one day we will be able to live in a world free from cancer.

Wrapping this post up - this is a fight, it will be hard, it won't be fair, and we have to stand strong. I have always been a huge Lance Armstrong fan and even more so now that I have seriously gotten into cycling. I have a deep appreciation for his own fight against cancer, and all he is doing to fight it. I have been a supporter of the Lance Armstrong Foundation and LIVESTRONG for serveral years, but as this has all unfolded in the last few weeks, that support has turned to a request for help and a deep passion to fight this head on. I have also (and will talk more about later) been following a blog called Fatcyclist.com, which is really the biggest inspiration for this blog and how one deals with a loved one fighting cancer. So what I am getting at with all of this is that I will be asking all of my readers and friends to buck up and start to fight along side all of us who fight this everyday.

I support: LIVESTRONG, Team Fatty, , and Duke Comprehensive Cancer Center